Applesauce and Bacon/Choices and Sacrifices

Yesterday morning, I performed my usual routine of waking up late (11:30am) as I am a teenager on Summer vacation and walked to the refrigerator. Upon opening the door, I saw a bundle of something wrapped in a paper towel atop a square barf-pink-colored plastic plate - bacon. Next to this, I saw the stack of four Wegman's cups of unsweetened applesauce. Ten minutes later, I had proceeded to use the bacon as spoons to eat two of the applesauce cups (not the actual plastic cups, resin identification code 7, mind you). I know you're about to call me a hog, but stop - you all know you've dipped your pork chops into the applesauce, and NO, that's NOT a sexual reference, so stop trying to make it something that it's not, you fucker.

I recently (today) solidified my "choice" of The Pennsylvania State University, University Park Campus, over the University College Utrecht, the hardest decision of my life, thus far. "Choice" in quotes as I feel it really wasn't my choice, but rather my obligation at the moment to keep as many options open to me as possible, and, in this instance, that means going where the most opportunity and horizontal movement exists for me. For me, this was not "choosing" PSU over UCU, it was simply selecting PSU, as it would have been impossible for me to say a stark "no" to UCU - I know you think it's complex, but you can be sure in the fact that it's much more complex in my own head than as it is written in this blog. This "choice" (ok, enough with the quotes) brought both great serenity and, with it, immense disappointment. Since I had learned of the possibility of studying abroad for the first years of University (assumed until, at least, the completion of a bachelors), it was my goal. After the discovery of the program offered by UCU, my admission into this prestigious institution became the point to which I affixed and aligned my entire life and high school curriculum - this became a success in May after a grueling and cumbersome phone-interview. However, by this time, I had been well into crafting a backup route in the event of my previous goal being a failure - enter my interest in PSU. Before my mom suggested that I have such a backup plan, I was hell-bent on going to a foreign university for several reasons - I felt I would have greater responsibility in a European university environment; I saw a safer, quieter environment in which I could integrate well and study; I saw a new adventure, one set completely apart from every other person I had ever met, ergo an opportunity to be my own person, stray [continally] from an "orthodox" American life, and seize higher intellect; I saw me, with Mona.

Although the "current situation" had nothing to do with my "choice" (okay, so I lied - fucking sue me), Mona was an undeniable factor in the balancing of the scales, as was my family, naturally, and it pains my flesh to know that I cannot simply get on a train to be by her and even more to think of the possible ramifications of my decisions, the choices, and the sacrifices.