Satanic Napkins

One might be thinking that a jigsaw could be exponentially more dangerous than a paper towel, but you'd be fukin' wrong to think so. I've used a band saw. I've used paper towels. Guess which one ripped the skin off my lip...I can guarentee you it wasn't the saw! I came into the living room nearly stumbling into a nice yellow glob of dog barf. I returned to the kitchen to grab a few paper towels to rid the carpet of its lovely new decor, quite thank you, when I took one of the two and suspended it from my lip through the absorbancy of the saliva into the Bounty napkin. After using the first one, I proceeded to try to utilize the second one pasted to my lip. Mind you, I hadn't closed my mouth after placing it on my lip, so my lips were fairly dry from breathing over top of each. I slowly started to tug the paper towel...I felt a gentle stinging sensation and continued, figuring it was just the removal proccess. I loosened my lip muscles allowing the napkin to pull my lip until it was fully extended, feeling like I was in some dentists office getting checked for gingivitis. Finally, after a little sweat breaking loose from my hairline, it came off. The central sector belonging to my bottom lip felt inflammed and angry. I felt it with my tongue...smooth texture compared to a normal lip. I came to the conclusion that the skin had been ripped forth and also that I never make this mistake again. Bounty Paper Towels certainly took its bounty. Thank God they weren't Brawny brand...now that crazed hick would have taken the whole fukin' lip.