Remember that time when I gave up on life?...

I'm sorry to all my [three] readers of this blog that it has been such an incredibly long time since I've posted anything meaningful here. This shall be a rant, so, depending on your mood or (rather) how intoxicated you are at this hour, you may or may not enjoy this post. First of all, I'm back from Germany. I'm not happy about that. My vacation ended abruptly as I was thrown directly into school. Since then, I have lost my tan, a certain sense of positivism, and a small section of sanity that I had been holding onto tightly before the start of school. Currently, I seem to have slipped into an alternate reality much more easily this year than last...let me explain. Last school year, nearing the end where there was much work involved and, because it was nearing the end, I had thought that each week would be a little easier, and then the next, easier than the last...I was mistaken. Rather than this perfect ending to a hectic year, each week became progressively worse during each consecutive week. Because of this strain, stress, and overall buildup of negative energy, I slipped into a state of depression that lasted at least two months...a certain educational burnout, if you will. Now, bringing you back to the present, even though I haven't been in school for more than two weeks (to the day), I have already slipped into this state where everyday is indistinguishible from the last, and weekend activities are either unsatisfyingly too short or difficult to remember, for some unknown reason that has been bothering me for some time now. Last year, during my educational burnout, it was the same - I would be able to count the times I remembered waking up, looking at my alarm clock, getting out of bed, and then getting off the bus after school...things between these two times were all a blur and I have no cognizant feeling or rememberance of them whatsoever, as if I had not been alive during that time. I have been contemplating seeing a psychologist, just to see what of my case is exactly normal and what I can do about it except for yoga, because I'm not particularly gifted when it comes to stretching out my testicles. I hate my school. Our Christmas vacation this year lasts from December 23th (our first day of vacation) until January 2nd...I personally think that this requires no explaination of the lunacy that is contained therein. It would not have been a problem except for my genius plan to have Mona come and spend Christmas with my family...a trip that would cost approximately $1,000 for a length of ca. two weeks. Now, for two weeks in America, during Christmas, and for staying in a hotel in Times Square for New Years Eve to watch the Ball drop into the magical year of 2007, this might seem like a cheap price. Now, imagine that this plan, which seems too good and amazing to be true, actually is too amazing, but not because of self-contained factors, but because school board members are humbugs and fuckers. But, I believe it still must happen because of the symbolism that is carried within the number 27 and its relation to 2007 - it's meant to be, and something will suffice. And now comes some major personal internal struggle that no one else but I must deal with - losing weight that I gained over the summer, deciding which university/country I want to study in, what to wear because of my new left-leg appendage, whether or not to join band and its possible repercussions as it will take away a study hall every other day (and how the sectionals will disrupt my classes, AND whether or not Disneyworld is even worth all that trouble, AND if I really want to have to play at five football games to pass), dealing with not having much social interaction or contact outside of my family or a few immediate friends because of homework inhibitions, dealing with not being able to talk to the person I spent every waking (and, even, some sleeping) hours with for a total of 51 days straight having the best time of my life (literally) to this point...that's 1224 hours I spent being with, seeing, thinking about, talking to, and being talked to by Mona, and now I am lucky that 5 minutes of the day are spent doing any one of those activities - it's just all so strange and lonely.